I had a breakthrough with a job offer! However my DUI came to bite me in the ass yet again! An old client of mine (when I was a personal trainer) saw found out that I had left the Ins. company and was looking for work. He contacted me asking if I would be interested in doing administrative, project management work for his company. He has a two-year contract job available that he needs to fill. After meeting with him we agreed upon a salary (about the same as I was making at the Ins. company) and a start date. I also told him I was pregnant and was happy to find out that it wasn’t a problem. he actually even suggested that after the baby I work 30 hrs a week or whatever fit best for me. I felt excited and good about things. Until I found out a drug test and background check were headed my way. Drug test no problem. I don’t do drugs, alcohol was always my problem. Background check, not so good. I had been honest with my future employer up until this point so I continued. I took the drug test and filled out the paperwork for the background check and then told him what the background check would show. Again he surprised me with saying the DUI was not a problem as long as I could get to work. All seemed well.
A couple of days later the employment agency I needed to go through called me and explained that they had cleared me to work but that the hiring company (my friend works for) had not. apparently the DUI is not a problem except that my case is still pending. The company does not hire people with pending cases. Personally this makes no sense to me because if the DUI is ok then what does it matter if it is pending or not? My court case won’t go above a DUI, in fact I won’t be convicted of DUI at all because my lawyer and the prosecuting atty. agreed upon Reckless Opp. So I don’t understand the problem. But I digress, the problem is that I got the DUI in the first place. The problem is that I’m an alcoholic and have to deal with the consequences of my earlier actions. So we will see how it all turns out.
I can say this: After being in the rooms of AA I have realized that I am at the exact place in my life where I am supposed to be. Furthermore if I supposed to have this job and it is a good healthy place for me, both mind and body then I will get it, if I’m not meant to have it for whatever reason then I won’t and I’m ok with whatever the outcome is. I must honestly say that AA has been a wonderful experience for me. Some people say that it is a cult and that they mind wash you but that is not true. It is simply a program that helps alcoholics deal with their alcoholism.
If you google alcoholism you will find that it is a medical disease that progressively gets worse as the alcoholic continues to drink. It kills your body and your mind. There is also no known cure for it. Drugs do not work, rehab sometimes works but no always. What many medical doctors say is that AA (alcoholics anonymous) is what works the best. AA is a simple program that brings alcoholics together to share their experience, strength and hope with each other in hope to help.
When I was in college and decided that I really needed to stop drinking, one of the things that comforted me the most was the times that my roommate and I would sit up and talk about our feelings and our thoughts on alcohol and food. She was not an alcoholic but suffered from anorexia. For the rest of the year that we were in school I felt the most at ease when I could describe my feelings and have someone understand those feelings. I later found out it was because she was also addicted to something. She also had the mental addiction that I had. She was not physically addicted to starving herself, as I was not physically addicted to alcohol ( I’m thankful to never have gotten physically addicted although many alcoholics do) but I was and am mentally addicted to it. It took me years to understand that I couldn’t do it on my own. That I needed others that had the same disease as I to help me through it.
I view my alcoholism as a little red demon attached to my back . I was born with my demon. It was there in my mother’s womb with me. We both grew bigger and stronger day by day. I believe that when I was born the demon was born with me however it was till asleep. Resting silently and patiently on my shoulder. However as I got older and was learning all about life and the wonders it has to offer, my demon awoke. I used it to deal with life when I couldn’t. I would drink with my friends in high school but when everyone else had gone to bed or stopped drinking because the party was over I kept going. I loved drinking, it was great fun in the beginning. My demon sat happily on my shoulder and became bigger and stronger with each drink I took. Until ultimately it had grown big enough to kill me.
I tried many times to quit drinking by myself. I would be successful for a year or a couple months. But I was never able to do it on my own. Only when my life lay in pieces around me was I humble enough and want to reach out and ask for help. I have found it in AA and it has made all the difference. I will continue to go now not only for myself and my family, but even more importantly for my little baby I have growing inside me.
